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Have wrench. Will monkey

Clé anglaise. Bricoleur camerounais (Traduction libre)

Camfoot

What on earth is happening to our own Massa Yo ? The debonaire and easy-going gentleman we have come to know is losing his cool and his semantics. A mere three months at the helm of a task force whose job is no more demanding than building a better mousetrap, our benign Mr. Owona has become pugnacious, spiteful and vindictive.

Le 24 décembre 2013

‘Journalisme de gribouille’ ? What would ‘ill-advised journalism’ be, pray tell me ? The official list of accepted shades of journalism in Cameroon includes ‘journalisme de caniveau ; une certaine presse ; journalisme ndolè ; journalisme de journaleux’, but not yet ‘journalisme de gribouille’. My take on this newly crafted expression is that this a classic example of a typo. What the good Mr. Owona actually meant is ‘journalisme de fripouilles’.

There is one sure thing about the business of name calling : the proverbial chicken will one day come home to roost. You call people names, they will eventually call you names. The good man’s foul mood towards us is baffling. As long and as far back as I can recollect, there is only one thing we have laid on Mr. Owona : love, heaps of love. How come this man hates us ?

The ‘journaleux’ crowd in Cameroon may not be as insightful and investigative-minded as one could desire. But, you better believe it, they have courage and some brains. That’s basically their only tool. The rest has to do with the single one occupation that defines Cameroonians : bricolage.

What do you expect after all in a country where everybody is a plumber, a gardener or a mechanic ? Why then wouldn’t everybody be a journalist or, perish the thought, a Civil Service mandarin ? We will monkey, we have to monkey, our way to information. Nobody cares to talk to us. Nobody will ever call you back to volunteer reliable information. The same high and mighty of the land, who would readily butt-kiss their way to France24 or RFI, loathe and despise us. ‘Bricolage’, I am sorry to say, is no exact science : some valuable info will always fall through the cracks.

Blaming us alone is unfair and certainly heavy-handed. If you do not help us in our reasonable quest for information, then you are part of the problem. While we pray that goodwill prevail on both sides and that the old benevolent Mr. Owona comes back to life during this coming year, we see it fit to remind the irascible men in power of the old Harry Truman’s advice : ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’.

Léon Gwod


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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 09:56, par tam_ballon En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    great article Camfoot.

    You should keep mounting pressure on Massa Yo to reveal all their plans to organize elections by the end of march 2014.

    Massa Yo, instead of being vindictive to Journalists, should have told us what he and his team are doing to prepare the world cup 2014 and the FECAFOOT eclections. His response to that article in Mutations (I guess) does not help anybody, neither him nor the whole cameroonians including Journalists who are looking for clear improvements in the management of cameroonian football.

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    • Le 25 décembre 2013 à 00:04, par Wahsih a Deng En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      @ Abega

      Vu que nous sommes ici sur un forum où la communication dite effective est de mise, je partage entièrement ce que tu viens d’écrire. La seule chose qui m’a réconforté dans l’article de Léon Gwod c’est la remise en cause de la manière de faire de Massa Yo.

      Je suis de l’ancien régime où la formation bilingue avait ses lettres de noblesse. Le style que Léon Gwod a adopté dans l’article dont il est question est contre-productif dans la mesure où le camfranglais ne permet ni la fluidité ni la constance.

      @ Pikin for mboa @ Babyoh
      You’re both right in what you seek to convey. Grammatically accurate English does not necessarily imply contextual correctness, the more so given the target audience on this occasion. I am a late convert to the use of Standard English to make oneself understood ; hence my disdain for the loud-sounding approach adopted by Léon Gwod.

      There is a saying that we must adapt to changing times whilst maintaining unchanging principles. That in my humble opinion is the essence of investigative journalism and not hearsay or wishful thinking against the backdrop of intellectual superiority.
      What some Cameroonians lack is humility. Leon Gwod’s article should have been proof-read by an Anglophone editor and amended accordingly.

      Stated otherwise, style and substance irrefutably go hand in hand.

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    • Le 26 décembre 2013 à 13:06, par babyoh En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      THANK YOU MY BROTHER

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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 11:04, par babyoh En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    AU SECOURS MES FRERES , AU SECOURS !!!!!
    QUEL BILINGISME , SOS TRADUCTEURS , WONNA COME !!!!!!!

    @ Tam_ballon : I am shocked that the quality of english used here did not shock you.

    Dear Leon GWOD,
    You are incarnate public disgrace to Anglophones and Bilingualism.
    Are you forced to post your article in ENGLISH ????

    This article has directly ASSASINATED the english language for not is it only INCOMPREHENSIBLY but it is filled with incoherent statements and non english words.
    Know and understand that when you use INTERNET GOOGLE TRANSLATOR, you must correct it least you become a public disgrace like today.
    Listen to yourself
    « Have wrench. Will monkey »
    « The debonaire -------is losing his cool and his semantics »
    « Our benign Mr. Owona has become pugnacious »
    « the proverbial chicken »
    « we have laid on Mr. Owona : love, heaps of love. »
    « a Civil Service mandarin »
    « We will monkey, we have to monkey, our way to information »
    « we see it fit to remind the irascible men »
    ETC ETC ETC
    Even my son in class 5 primary school can do a better job.
    This is the second time I am writing to complain about the quality of English on CAMFOOT.COM and our comments are not taken into account.
    PLEASE FOR THE PRIDE OF CAMEROON , KINDLY AND QUICKLY REMOVE THIS ARTICLE OR EDIT IT BEFORE THE WORLD TAKES IT TO BE OUR LEVEL OF ENGLISH EDUCATION.
    If you wish I can correct it for you.

    Chee-----Eh !!!! SHAME TO YOU LEON GWOD

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    • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 16:44, par soccerguru En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      Not all the phrases are that bad countryman. Go back and reread. You’re just shocked because it doesn’t meet your conventional standard.

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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 11:08, par babyoh En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    AU SECOURS MES FRERES , AU SECOURS !!!!!
    QUEL BILINGISME , SOS TRADUCTEURS , WONNA COME !!!!!!!

    @ Tam_ballon : I am shocked that the quality of english used here did not shock you.

    Dear Leon GWOD,
    You incarnate public disgrace to Anglophones and Bilingualism.
    Are you forced to post your article in ENGLISH ????

    This article has directly ASSASINATED the english language for not is it only INCOMPREHENSIBLY but it is filled with incoherent statements and non english words.
    Know and understand that when you use INTERNET GOOGLE TRANSLATOR, you must correct it least you become a public disgrace like today.
    Listen to yourself
    « Have wrench. Will monkey »
    « The debonaire -------is losing his cool and his semantics »
    « Our benign Mr. Owona has become pugnacious »
    « the proverbial chicken »
    « we have laid on Mr. Owona : love, heaps of love. »
    « a Civil Service mandarin »
    « We will monkey, we have to monkey, our way to information »
    « we see it fit to remind the irascible men »
    ETC ETC ETC
    Even my son in class 5 primary school can do a better job.
    This is the second time I am writing to complain about the quality of English on CAMFOOT.COM and our comments are not taken into account.
    PLEASE FOR THE PRIDE OF CAMEROON , KINDLY AND QUICKLY REMOVE THIS ARTICLE OR EDIT IT BEFORE THE WORLD TAKES IT TO BE OUR LEVEL OF ENGLISH EDUCATION.
    If you wish I can correct it for you.

    Chee-----Eh !!!! SHAME TO YOU LEON GWOD

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    • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 16:49, par 237 pikin for mboa En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      It makes you look foolish when you try to be clever but you end up being wrong on the whole line. Of all the phrases you claim to show up as wrong, the only one I can concede to you is that « debonaire » is written in English without the « e » at the end.

      For the rest, the grammar is 100% correct, ask any Anglophone around you who has had University level of education.

      Sorry mate, you’re sooo wrong !

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    • Le 25 décembre 2013 à 17:19, par le jumeau En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      Salut mon cher ami. Bilinguisme à un « u ». Before you criticize, please ensure you’re above and beyond any criticism. You don’t say « shame to you ». You say « shame on you ». That’s just one example and there are others, but I won’t dwell on them. The point is simple. There are more and more francophones in Cameroon who make the effort to speak English. They also post in English on this forum. Also very impressive yet, there are more and more anglophones who post in French here and make the effort to speak French. The tide is turning in a very positive way. I’m very proud of this rich heritage and will always loath people with praise whenever they make that effort, regardless how many mistakes they make. There’s always room for improvement. I’m proud to have been exposed to both cultures. Long may it continue. Je suis francophone à la base.

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    • Le 26 décembre 2013 à 13:04, par babyoh En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      I wish to remark that a journalist HAS NO EXCUSE TO MAKE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. Those reacting to articles can make errors because they may not be professionals in writing.
      @ le jumeau : Thanks for Correcting my english .
      Infact we fondly say ’shame to you’ but the correct statement should be ’shame on you’
      However as I said , if you post an article on a public site as a Professional , it has to be perfect.
      I repeat that the ENGLISH is horrible , we cant debate on that.
      CAN YOU KINDLY TELL ME THE MEANING OF :
      Have wrench. Will monkey« »The debonaire -------is losing his cool and his semantics« »Our benign Mr. Owona has become pugnacious« »the proverbial chicken« »we have laid on Mr. Owona : love, heaps of love.« »a Civil Service mandarin « »We will monkey, we have to monkey, our way to information« »we see it fit to remind the irascible men"

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    • Le 27 décembre 2013 à 14:39, par 237 pikin for mboa En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      Oh boy, you keep insisting. I’ve already told you, take this article to any well-educated anglophone around you without telling them your grievances against the article’s content and they will tell you the English is not as « horrible » as you claim it is.

      I can tell you that the title of the article is an expression the writer personally coined (as shown by the translation he gave). For the rest, I’m not sure I have the energy and especially time to explain the meaning of all the phrases you have picked out but I can assure you that (apart from the word « debonair » which takes no « e ») they are perfectly correct in English.

      That aside, why do you feel you have to thank everyone who is of the same opinion as you for their « support » ? Are you in some kind of battle against Mr. Gwod ? I find that habit a little bit strange !

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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 12:41, par Je Wandaa En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    Seriously Leon Gwod ? I didn’t make any sense out of this article. What on earth are you trying to tell us ?

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    • Le 26 décembre 2013 à 13:12, par babyoh En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

      @ Je Wandaa
      Thanks for your support.
      If any body says this article is comprehensible, then he understands signs language and not english

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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 12:48, par Bobill En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    Thank Massa Yo for this great country talk :-)

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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 16:35, par 237 pikin for mboa En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    Come on « babyoh » are you even Anglophone or did you just learn the English language as an adult. This guy’s English is of literary quality, you are just making a fool of yourself with your continuous criticism of the language used on the ONLY English language blog on Camfoot. I’m proud to read such top-level expressions from a Cameroonian with a Francophone background.

    Personally, I appreciate and always enjoy to read Mr Gwod’s blogs (English or French) and I must say, not only is the language extremely attractive, but the content is also usually very pertinent.

    Please, quit the « Grammar Brigade » and go get a life !!

    Now, concerning the article, all I have to say is, so true (and so well written) Mr Gwod, so true ...

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  • Le 24 décembre 2013 à 17:04, par Abega En réponse à : Have wrench. Will monkey

    Cher Léon, si tu ne sais pas quoi dire, il vaut mieux la fermer. Ton charabia est indigne car, même le plus anglophone des anglophones ne te comprendrait même pas. Après tout, le rédacteur en chef qui a osé publier ton article est l’homme le plus stupide de l’année 2013. S’est encourageant de lire des posts de nos frères Anglos mais, de là à voir toutes ses fautes.....et ce non - sens d’articles, je dis stop car c’est une honte.

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